Haunted House on Historic Route 66
Featured on A&E’s “My Ghost Story”
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Dates & Hours Of Operation
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F.A.Qs
Have a question? You might find an answer here.
You can click here or you can stop being a cheap bastard and just show up!
You can click here or you can just follow the trail of candy I used to get your mom here!
You can click here to see what dates we’re open since we aren’t open 24/7 like your mom!
You can click here to see what time we’re open but basically when we’re closed your mom is still open!
We don’t recommend bringing kids under 12 but don’t let us stop you from abusing your own children. It clearly worked out just fine for you and your mom!
Our team of monsters and murderers are much scarier than anything a mask would protect you from but if you want to be a little b&$h feel free to wear a mask!
You’re paying us to scare the sh*t out of you. If you want a refund you’re a p*ssy! So… no!
There are no dates on the tickets, dumb*ss.
You want to touch or be touched by these creatures, you freak? What you do on your own time is your problem but we don’t want to make any contact with you, maybe your mom though!
No, but that hasn’t stopped the legless zombies why should it stop you? If we have to carry you to your doom, we will make it happen, especially if you’re a hot mom!
The lines are probably shorter than the line of men in front of your mom’s house but if you really are in a rush we do sell fast passes.
We accept cash, checks, credit cards, arms, legs, time spent with your mom, and small caged animals.
If you’re scared of flashing lights then we’re really going to scare the sh*t out of you! So, yeah… there are strobe lights, just like in your mom’s room.
The more attractive you are the less you should wear however we require closed-toe shoes!
Only on date night with your mom but not at the haunted house!
Smoking is only allowed if you are on fire but there’s no smoking or vaping until you get back to your mom’s house.
Have you ever heard of plausible deniability? Let’s just enjoy getting the sh*t scared out of you without any evidence!
You, without a paid admission. 2x4s, bricks, weed pipes, lawnmowers, chainsaws (we’ve already got them), machetes (we got those too.)
We would hate to confuse you for one of our own but if you got the type of face that would make us want to hire you perhaps some face paint is a good idea…
